Life's 360
by Avonlea Dale
Summary: Olivia's life is altered by life changing events.
1. Chapter 1

**This was just a fun spin on Olivia's life. I do not own the characters. I enjoyed altering their lives.**

DECEMBER 2013

ADAMS RESIDENCE AT 1025 WALNUT AVENUE

*Olivia's cell rings* "Captain, what is it?" she asked while escorting, a badly beaten, Mrs. Genevieve Adams on a stretcher towards the ambulance. "Ok, I'll be right there. Nick is just reading Gerard Adams his rights and we will be leaving". She hung up the phone, shut the ambulance door, gave it a hit and the siren wails as it sped off. She begins to walk over to Nick, who is shoving Mr. Adams in the back of Fin's car. He slams the door and yells, "He's all yours Fin. Get this piece of shit out of my face". Fin gave a smirk as he got into his car, "it'd be my pleasure" he replied. As Fin drove off, Nick turned to Olivia...

"Is everything ok, Liv? Who called?"

"I wish I knew, Nick. Cragen called"

"So...what did he want?"

"Me at the station"

"Ok, so let's head out then"

While riding in the car Olivia seems anxious. She kept banging her knees together and didn't seemed focused. "Hey Liv, I...Liv? OLIVIA!" Nicks yell got her attention. "WHAT?" she asked in surprise.

"I'm trying to talk to you over here but you keep fidgeting and are in another world" he said, "why?"

"Cragen said that there is a woman at the station waiting to see me"

"Do you know what it's about?"

Gazing out the window she replied, "Honestly, no, I don't."

"Well, did he give you any inkling about it?"

She turned to look at him and gave a direct,"No!"

"Well, we are almost there. I'm sure it's nothing to get worried over"

"Hope you're right"

"I'm always right" he said with a big smile on his face. She chuckled and motioned for him to continue to drive.

AT THE 16TH PRECINCT

Upon arriving to the station, Olivia is puzzled to see Cragen waiting for her in the lot. "Took you long enough" he scolded. She looked at Nick and could read the question of, "What the fuck is he talking about", that came pouring out of his eyes. "Captain, we came directly here from across town! Give some leeway for traffic and lights for cryin' out loud!" she harshly replied. "Why are you out here waiting for me?"

Cragen walked over to her, "Look, I'm sorry... You just need to deal with this.. I can't give you the details but just brace yourself because if this woman is legit with her story then you're in for quite a shock"

Liv stops in her tracks. "A shock? That's reassuring"

"Nick, go inside and you'll find Pamela Ashburn in one of the interrogating rooms. Tell her that Olivia is on her way to meet with her" demanded Cragen. Nick shook his head and said "You got it Cap" and went inside.

Cragen grabs Liv's forearm and said, "Come on. Get this over with" and he pulls her towards the door.

Once inside, Liv stood behind the mirrored glass and watched the woman waiting to see her. She had to be in her mid 60's. Her hair was bobbed at jaw level and as white as new fallen snow. The many laugh lines on her face gave away that she has had a good life with a lot of laughter. "But who is she" Liv quietly questioned herself. Olivia took a deep breath and opened the door. "Hello" Liv said while shutting the door behind her. "I'm Sergeant Benson, and you are...?" asking while extending her hand towards the unknown woman.

"Um, my name is Pamela Ashburn...Pam, please"

Liv began to sit across from her "Well, it's nice to meet you Pam. Is there something that I can help you with?"

"No, not really"

"Then I'm not sure why you exactly you're here" Liv said puzzled.

"Well, allow me to fill you in... You see, I had moved away from New York back in 1987 and have been residing in Colorado ever since. I still have family residing here in New York, but I don't get to come back tk visit as often as I'd like." Pamela said while looking down at an envelope she had brought with her.

"I'm sorry Pam, I'm not quite following... What brought you to me?" Liv asked.

"Well, you see, I was best friends with your Mother, Serena. We worked in the cafeteria at Hudson together and shared the same dorm. She was like a sister to me. And after we graduated we both got jobs working in the Colombia University English Department."

"Why didn't I meet you or know of your friendship?" Liv questioned.

"Because I made a promise to your Mother. I couldn't break it"

"A promise?"

"Yes, and you'll find the answers all in this" and she slid the envelope towards Olivia.

Meanwhile Olivia had no idea that Nick and Cragen were watching and listening outside of the room. "I know it's not right that we are invading her privacy" Nick said to Cragen "But.."

"But nothing ,Nick... You think after everything that she has dealt with lately I'd leave her alone with someone that she's never met?" Cragen said while turning up the volume from inside the room.

Olivia studied the envelope. Her name written across the front. "This is my Mother's handwriting. Where did you get this?" she asked. Pam looked at her with a deep sadness that began to blossom into tears filling her eyes. "I held you as a baby" she replied while wiping her eyes. "I didn't agree with Serena at all in this but it was her decision because you are HER child and not mine. I hadn't seen you from a distance since 1987. Before I moved, Serena gave me that letter to give to you 10 yrs after her death but I wasn't able to return here until now. I'm sorry."she said while putting her head down into her hands.

"Why 10 years?" Liv asked.

"Open it and you shall see. Maybe I should leave?"

"No, I may have questions. ..stay!"

Olivia tore open the envelope to find a letter addressed to her from her Mother. Her hands began to shake and her voice to crack as she read it out loud:

Jan. 1, 1980

My Darling Olivia,

If this letter finds you, please know in advance how truly sorry I am for lying to you all of these years. I didn't mean to be such a terrible mother! I've let my feelings drown in alcohol. It's the only way I knew how to cope. I have to set the record straight and come clean. I was never raped. I was very much in love with your father, Joe Hollister. We met while I worked in the cafeteria. We were inseparable. I thought for sure that I had met my soul mate. I got pregnant with you and he was THRILLED. He kept talking about "his" baby. We got engaged and had planned on getting married. Your grandparents were unaware of any of this at that point in time. Things took a turn when he was accused of raping several woman around the time if my pregnancy. What was I to do? I couldn't go home to my parents and tell them that I was unwed and pregnant to an alleged rapist!? The only thing I knew to do was accuse him as well. I had to give the police false statements etc. I shut him out of my life...out of our life. He tried several times to make amends but I made sure that he stayed away from us. I'm so sorry that you thought of your father as a rapist. I wanted to keep you safe but I also held it against you.I was extremely wrong for doing so but every time I looked at you I saw him. At the time, I felt that I still could have had him in my life if I hadn't been pregnant. Please know that I loved you so much and am so very proud of you! I made Pamela promise me to give this letter to you. She didn't agree with any of this so please don't hold a grudge towards her. She loved you as if you were her own after I had you. I hope that your life continues to blossom and grow. You always have been an achiever and I know with you, the sky is the limit. I will never forgive myself but ask for your forgiveness! I wish I could have changed things but then I would've had to unravel the ball of lies that had been told. Sadly, they will continue to be told until after I'm gone. Please forgive me!

All of my love, Mom

Olivia stood up so swiftly that she knocked the chair over. She began tearing the letter...crying harder with each shred. Pamela just sat quietly watching as her own tears began to fall. Olivia started screaming and looked back at herself in the mirror. Just then, Cragen yelled, "AMARO MOVE!" Olivia's chair went flying through the glass towards them sending shards of glass several feet away. She stormed out the door and was stopped by Nick. "Liv, wait" and he went to grab her arm. She jerked away yelling, "Get your damn hands off of me".She went to her desk to grab her coat and keys. Raised her hand in the air while walking out the door. Cragen ran after her. There they were...again ...in the parking lot. "Olivia wait!" he screamed. She turned to him and buried her face into his chest and began to cry. Her heart had been broken yet again by her own mother. Her cry was hard and loud. She couldn't form any words. Cragen wrapped his arms around her and while resting one hand on tbe back of her head, as if she were a baby, he did the only thing he knew to do. He rocked her. Tears began to fill his eyes as well. Her pain became his and he knew he had a few things that he has always wanted to tell her and right then seemed to be the opportune time."Liv" he said while clearing his voice, "I can't imagine the hurricane of emotions that you are feeling right now. I do know that I don't want you feeling as though your life is a lie because it isn't. Your mother lied, not you. You live your life to do good for others. I've never told you this before but I've always looked at you as though you were the daughter I've never had. If you only knew how much I love you and how much respect and admiration I have for you." She continues to cry even harder and her face starts becoming chapped from the cold temperatures. "There, there Liv" he said while consoling her. "Olivia if you want someone to be a father figure in your life, it'd be an honor and my privilege. You don't have to answer that right now. Just know that I'm always here for you and I love you." She kissed him on his cheek and hugged him so tightly before thanking him and turning back to her car. "I'll be back in a little while. There's something that I need to do." she said while waving back to him. He just stood there and watched her drive away as the rain started to fall. In her car she began to scream... Screaming the pain out always seemed to work for her before, but this time it was quite different. She had to slow her driving down. Between her tears and the cold rain falling so steadily, her vision was heavily blurred. She sat there at the red light while looking over towards the dark cemetery, waiting to turn left to pass through its open iron gates. She drove up the hill and around the bend to park close to her mother's plot. She got out, no umbrella, and quickly ran over as if to avoid some of the rainfall. Standing there, looking down at her mother's headstone, getting soaked, she began to yell as if her mother was right in front of her. "HOW COULD YOU? WHAT DID I DO TO EVER DESERVE THIS? YOU NEVER LOVED ME LIKE A MOTHER LOVES HER CHILD!" She dropped to her knees and grabbed handfuls of grass, ripping them from the earth beneath her. "I AM DONE WITH YOU! THIS CAN'T BE TAKEN BACK! I WILL NEVER BE LIKE YOU! AND NO...I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS AND FOR ALL THAT YOU HAVE DONE! HOW DARE YOU!" Olivia got up and dropped the grass where she stood. She began to walk away and suddenly stopped. She looked back, rain running down her face, and instantly darted to the headstone and motioned as if she were going to kick it over but stopped herself. She stood there, embracing herself and began to sob as the rain started changing to snow...as if to remind her that her world had just become a little bit colder.

3 HRS LATER BACK AT THE 16TH PRECINCT

Olivia walks in, still damp from the rain. Her mascara had left its dirty presence upon her cheeks and she started to shiver from being so cold. Once at her desk Nick walks over and wraps his coat around her. "Thank you" she said looking away as if she's ashamed. "You're welcome, Liv. Cap said you'd be back so I waited for you. They all wanted to stay as well but I told them I'd make sure that you were ok." he said while standing behind her rubbing her arms to help warm her up. "It's been one hell of a day" she said. "I don't even know where to begin"

"There doesn't have to be a definite starting point, Liv. Just start talking and the words will fall into place as they're meant to come out." Nick said as he shrugged his shoulders letting her know that whatever she said was okay.

"I don't know...I'm just full of so much rage right now. It's an awful feeling. Like I could really do damage to something and I don't trust feeling this way."

"Ah-ha...I know what you need!" he said while tossing his keys up with one hand and swiping them midair with the other.

"What?" she quietly asked with a tilt of her head while looking up at him

"Come on, I'll tell ya in the car. You can relax and ride with me."

"Nick, I'm drenched. I'm gonna go home."

"Well I was going to take you there so you could change. Where we are going you don't have to be all glitzed

up...just trust me...please?"

"Ok, I'm not going to win with you so why fight it...let's roll."

Nick smiles, "That a girl!" and they head out together.

QUICK STOP AT OLIVIA'S PLACE

Liv opened her door and dropped her keys on the counter. Nick closed the door and headsed to the couch. "I'll wait here while you change" he said.

"Okay, but what am I supposed to wear. Where are we going?"

"My buddy just opened a gym last week and he gave me a set of keys to use it after hours. Trust me, once you get pumping, you'll work out that strong feeling of rage."

"The gym?" she shakes her head as she walks into her room. She didn't realize that Nick had stretched his neck back to try and sneek a peak of her changing in the reflection of the mirror. She quickly crushed his hopes when she closed the door. A few minutes later she came out in black yoga pants with a black parachute pullover, hair all twisted up and face cleaned. "You ready?" she asked while bending down by the door to put her hot pink and black Nike Airs on.

"Let's do this" he said getting up off of the couch." Olivia hit the light switch, threw her gym bag over her shoulder and shut the door. Locks

AT THE "SWEAT IT OUT" GYM

Nick unlocks the back door and he and Oliva enter. He turned the main light switch on and the room became illumintaed. "Do you want music on or do you like the quiet" he asked.

"Who can work out in silence?"

"Guess that answers that..." he said while cranking up the music. "I'm gonna go back to my locker and change Liv. I'll be out in a jiff. Go on and get started if you want." and he walks into the back room. Olivia looks around wondering where to makes her way to an elliptical. She climbs up and starts the machine. Her mind is a mess at the moment and she tries to slowly untangle it but the more she thinks, the more she feels and she doesn't want a breakdown again. Her head is pounding from crying so much earlier. Just then she heard Nick yell over, "hey, you steppin' over there?"

She looked back to see him standing there smiling, shirtless, red and white baggy shorts and sweatbands on his wrists.

"Nice sweatbands" she said with a laugh. "Thats so 80's"

"Laugh at my expense if you must" he laughed. He then straddled a weight bench and said "I know its hot" before lying back under the weight bar. She chuckled to herself as he began to lift. After a few minutes of her constant arm and leg movements on the elliptical she became too hot. She stopped for a moment to take her pullover off. Trying not to be obvious, he watched as she reached down and pulled her shirt up over her head. The lines of her abs caught his eye. She stood there in her black sports bra folding her pullover. Nick kept lifting but couldn't take his eyes off of her. She got back up onto the machine and began working out. He stopped to just watch her every move and studied her body with each motion. He saw her skin begin to shimmer and glisten and the short hair on the back of her head began to curl from sweat and stick to the back of her neck. He had to look away because his body was getting involved and he didn't want anything to present itself to her unexpectedly. Olivia stopped the machine and walked towards him. "Is there a pool here, Nick" she asked.

"You bet! I'll show you" and she follows his lead across the room and down a flight of steps. Once near the bottom she could feel the humidity and smell the chlorine. He pointed to a locker room for her to change and he asked if she needed him to stay but she shook her head to let him know that his presence wasn't necessary. Olivia went in to change into her swimsuit. Nick walked back up the stairs but instead of going to the weight room, he sat in the room overlooking the pool. He didn't want to leave her entirely alone while she felt so upset. He leaned forward to watch her walk out next to the pool, drop her towel and dive in. "She's gorgeous" he said to himself. "This is so wrong for me to be feeling this way while she's under intense stress from today" he whispered to himself...all the while never taking his eyes off of her. Olivia started doing laps across the pool and back. Just replaying the day in her mind. Suddenly, midstroke, she stopped. Nick stood up to see what she was doing because she was facing away from him. She went underwater. Nick waited a moment to see what she was going to do and several seconds had passed. Still hadn't surfaced. He took off screaming her name. Ran so quickly he missed steps and fell at the bottom. Face bloody, he didn't miss a beat. He ran over and dove deep down into the pool. There she was, sitting on the bottom. He put his arms under hers from behind to pull her up. He startled her and she elbowed him in the face and swam to the top. GASPING for air she turned to see Nick come up for air, face bleeding and holding his right eye. "Why did you hit me" he yelled "That hurt like hell!"

"Nick, I'm sorry but you scared the hell out of me. What were you thinking?"

"I thought you were drowning"

"I was fine! Thank you for your concern and all but I don't need saved." she said grabbing onto the ladder. "I'm, look...I'm sorry. I feel awful for hurting you."

"It's ok. I guess that's what I get for watchi...er, um, (clears throat) for not staying upstairs after you expressed you didn't need me with you." he said blushingly. Poor Nick didn't realize that the faster his pulse rate was, the more he would bleed. "You said watching, Nick. What did you mean by that because I didn't see you while doing my laps." she asked.

"I was up in the viewers box." he said pointing up above her head. "Its used for viewing swim meets."

"Oh..." she said as she went to climb out of the pool.

"Liv, wait...don't go. I tried to talk to you earlier in the car but you were so distracted by Cragens call that I knew you wouldn't hear what I was telling you."

She let go of the ladder and swam over to him. "What, what did you want to tell me?" she asked as she poured a handful of water over his face to wash the blood away. It was finally subsiding.

"Look, I'm not gonna beat around the bush because I'm a straight forward type of guy. Liv, you drive me insane!"

"Nick, I'm sorry. If you feel you want another partner then we can talk to Cragen tomorrow. I don't know why you'd feel that way, but I" she was unable to finish her sentence because Nick had covered her mouth with his hand and told her to shut up. "You're not hearing me, yet again. YOU DRIVE ME INSANE! I can't focus, sleep, work, basically function like a normal human being. You've got me mesmerized like I'm under a spell. If you were a drug, you'd be flowing through my veins right now!" he said while pointing to the veins in his left arm.

"So, you're saying..."

"I'm saying I want you, all of you, now and forever, take it or leave it, the choice is yours...but know that once you're mine...I don't share you with others. So, if that's the case, then you need to tell Pony boy, Brian, this is off limits and to quit callin'. What's it gonna be, Liv?" and he moved closer to her.

She put her hand on his chest. "Nick, I've had a really long..." she paused. "A long what?" he asked. Olivia just glared into his dark eyes, almost as if they hypnotized her. She suddenly felt ashamed of her emotions and swam full speed towards the end of the pool near the diving board. Nick soon caught up to her. "Liv, turn around and look at me. Damn it, Liv!" he said while forcefully spinning her around. "Nick...I...I shouldn't want this. I've had an awful day and my emotions are running all over." she cried out while pushing him away.

He reached down at her thigh and ran his hand down to her foot slowly pulling it up to his chest and out of the water. He began to kiss the top of her foot. The warmth of his lips on her body sent tingles throughout her being. She didn't object so he slowly made a kissing trail up to her knee. She smiled. He took a deep breath and went under, kissing and sucking on her thigh. Suddenly she let out a gasp... He was at her pleasure zone and he went in for a deep kiss. She scrambled to hold on to the diving board above her head, letting out intense moans. He came shooting up for air. His face beat red from the lack of oxygen. He smiled and asked, "any regrets?" To her surprise...she replied, "No? Not yet." She had a tight grip on the board, almost afraid to move because she didn't know what he would do next. He moved in pinning her back against the pools wall. She went to speak but in a flash his mouth was covering hers. His tongue taking over...memorizing every inch of her mouth. Their kiss was hot, deep and he was sucking the air right out of her. She jerked her head back panting, " Nick...I...your...mmm..." she then just nodded as if to give him the green light. She was so overwhelmed with how fast everything was happening that she couldn't speak. Her body began to do the talking for her and Nick heard it loud and clear. She put her feet on both sides of his hips and pushed her legs downward, slowly pushing his shorts down and pulling them off. He moved closer. She kept her grip above her head with her left hand, wrapped her legs around his waist, and took him in her right hand. Her touch made his eyes roll back and he let out a quiet groan. "Look me in the eyes" she said. He starred deep into them, never blinked. He pushed her bikini bottoms to the side, exposing her opening, and she pulled him into her. Both letting out a sigh of delight at the feel of each other. She wrapped her right arm around his neck. His face was at chest level. He began nuzzling her nipples with his nose, hardening them more with each motion until they were at there highest peak. He put his lips around them and lightly began to suck. His warmth againt her cold breasts felt amazing. She began to lick the edge of his right ear. He let out a sigh and asked if she was ready. She quietly moaned into his ear while begging for him to make love to her. He slowly pulled out and began to thrust into her. Quicker and harder each time. She didn't know how much longer she could hold on to the board above her for support. Her body started to buckle and he knew she could blow at any moment. He quickly inhaled deep and threw her legs up over his shoulders as he went under to finish his mission. His tongue working hard, finding the spot to dig for buried treasue. As her legs clenched tight around his next, the treasure chest had been opened, spilling forth its liquid gem. Liv, weak and out of breath, let go. She began to sink until he tooks her in his arms. "Are you okay, baby?" Nick asked as he carried her limp body to the pools ladder and helped her climb up. She went over and spread herself out on the bench. Still breathing rapidly and resting her hand on her head wondering what just took place. He bent down next to her, "Again, are you ok?" he asked.

She put her hands over her face. "What just happened?" she playfully asked.

"Uh, basically...in a nutshell, we had sex"

She shook her head in disbelief. "I didn't see THIS coming. It all took me by surprise."

"Come on" he said while grabbing her hand to pull her up. "Oh, wait one second" and he ran and dove in. Swimming to the bottom to retrieve his shorts. He swam back to the ladder and climbed out fully exposed. She could feel her pulse begin to race and turned to grab her towel. "Ok, let's go Liv. Go get out of that wet suit. Wrap a towel around your body and we will head to the sauna. Nick waited for her and when she came out he grabbed her hand saying "Let's go gorgeous." She never doubted following his guide to the sauna room. Once inside he placed a towel across the bench for her. "Come ly down, Liv." He then spread a towel down on the floor next to where she was and sat down on it. He didn't seem to mind being fully nude. Olivia stretched out on the bench and used her towel to cover her naked body. It was extremely hot and steamy inside but she didn't mind. It began to help he relax and she closed her eyes. "Liv, do you want to talk about what happened earlier today? I mean, I overheard because Cap and I were outside the room keeping watch. I just want to make sure that you're doing okay." he said while kneeling next to her. She turned her head to look at him and ran her fingers through his hair and rubbed her thumb along his eyebrow. He was left with a dried up cut and a blackened eye. "I'm sorry about your eye. I'm as okay as I'll ever be. Finding out that your life was all a ruse is a hard jagged little pill to swallow." she said closing her eyes again. "But thank you for asking...and, well...goes without saying but thanks for the swim." she said giggling. He got up on his knees and looked upon her. Lying there, eyes closed and motionless from the warmth of the room. He grabbed the bottom of her towel at her feet and slowly began to pull it off of her glowing body, unveiling her softened flesh inch by inch. "Nick?...what're you doing" she asked. "Shh...I'm just admiring a true work of beauty. I want to savor this moment. You take my breath away, Olivia Benson...you take it away!" he told it to her as if he were testifying on the stand in front of a jury, with such truth and sincerity. She raised her head to look at him. "Nick, how did we get here?" she questioned.

He leaned in towards her face. "Like this" he replied as he met her lips. He pushed his weight behind it until she had her head resting back on the bench. She lured his tongue into her mouth and began sucking it. His body was crawling with sensation. He cupped her breasts. His touch made her so wet. The deeper he kissed her and the softer he touched her body, she felt like the damn had broke and the flood was upon gently stroked her stomach sending chills down her spine. She went to sit up but he pushed her back down. His left hand tracing the lines of her inner thighs. The higher he went, the deeper her breaths were in anticipation. He cupped her "bone collector", as he called it, in his hand...feeling her pulsating at his fingertips. She was warm. She was wet. Her body language said she was ready. Her legs began to part. He rested his chin on her thigh to watch as he inserted his two fingers. She moaned in pleasure. He used his other hand to circle her cherry pit. Her body began to quiver with his every movement. She moaned louder and louder as her body squirmed along the bench. "Shall I stop?" he asked.

She opened her eyes finally and said "You can't imagine how much I want you right now." He climbed up onto the bench and knelt between her legs. Still amazed that he's in the company of such beauty. He bent down kissing her belly button and trailing up past her chest and to her mouth with his tongue. She bit his lip pulling his mouth into hers. It'd been a long time since she felt this free. He kissed her long and hard. She moved to her right to bite on his neck. He wrapped her hair around his hand and with a stern tug he had her head back and neck in full view. He began to lightly lick and suck upon it. She let out a long "Mmmmmmmm...Nick, please, I'm yours...take me." He gently rested her back on the bench and laid up against her. She could feel him growing against her body. With a short grunt he pushed inside of her. Her nails found their resting place in his each thrust she slid across the bench on the towel so she shifted herself, moving her head and shoulders off of the bench and raised her hands above her, touching the floor. She gave him a full view of her entire body. The fact that he could view himself entering her gave him a rush. "Faster" she exclaimed half out of breath. "Want me deeper, baby?" he asked while pushing into her pelvis. "UHHH...no, you're far enough. ..uhh..uhh..uhh...you can't...go...de..uhh..dee...uhh ahhh...deeper." she said cringing to hang on.

"Wanna...uuggghhh...mmmm...bet?" he said before retracting only to flip her over. His bottomed out entrance caused her a bliffful pain. She had never experienced this before. She needed something to hold on to but her hands were on the floor. She felt wide open. Her moans were getting loader and coming closer together. His hands on her hips pulling her into him. Watching every slam in sheer erotic excitement. He reached down in front of her to massage her clit. She dropped to her elbows. He was making her weak. Sweat beginning to sting the eyes as it poured off of them. "Oh...Ni...UHH...Nick" she belted. Her voice at a high pitched squeal. He knew she was close. He pulled her up onto the bench and let her relax to ride out her orgasm. Waves flooded her body and she released herself and broke free. She held on to ride out the second one that came within seconds from the first. Her body having a mind of its own. Jerking like a fish out of water. With a deep grunt and moan he quickly said, "Ahh...I need to nut."

"Let it go Nick"

"Are you...UGGHHHH...UGGHHHHH...UUUUUGGHHHHH!" he screamed before collapsing on top of her. Their hearts racing, erratic breathing and smell of sex in the air took Olivia's mind far from everything she had dealt with earlier that day. They laid there holding each other. Enjoying the moment of pure ecstasy that followed such an occasion. Just then Olivia sat up gasping. "Oh no...oh no...oh fuck" she grabbed her towel and took off to the pools locker room to change. Nick followed her into the room demanding to know what was wrong. Once she was fully clothed she looked at him with a shock in her eye. "My head was so clouded by todays events and I got caught up in the moment." she cried as she ran towards the steps and up into the weight room. Nick, still in a towel, grabbed her arm. "What is going on, Olivia? We just had, what I thougbt, was an incredible experience and I hope that there's more to follow."

She started heading towards the exit only to look back to say, "Don't worry about me getting home. I'm going to take a cab." and she turned pushing against the door.

"OLIVIA...WAIT!?" he exclaimed.

"Nick" she sighed rubbing her face. "I'm not on the pill!" and out the door leaving him standing there...shocked and alone. ... in nothing but a towel.


	2. Life's 360 The Next Chapter

**This chapter begins a few hours after Olivia had left Nick at the gym. Again, I do not own the characters. Just having fun altering their lives. Enjoy!**

AT THE APARTMENT OF OLIVIA BENSON

Olivia glared at the small paper bag, scrunched tightly closed, sitting on her dining room table. While pacing back and forth, she replayed the moments of the day in her mind. Her mind racing with questions and always coming up with the same answer, which was Nick. She turned away from the bag and sat down on the barstool at her kitchen counter. Her face against the cool ceramic tile. She watched her breath marks come alive and fade with each exhale. Glancing up at the clock on the wall she realized that only 15 minutes had passed since she had gotten home. It felt much longer to her and the overwhelming sense of panic began to show its ugly face. She sat up and spun herself around on the stool to face the table. "What am I going to do?" she asked herself. She was ready to get up when she heard a knock at her door. "Who would be coming here at this time of night?" she asked herself while looking at her watch. She approached the door to look through the peep hole. Nick standing there wearing nothing but his coat and damp gym shorts. She stepped back a moment and with one hand on the door, she found the other up around her neck, swiftly rubbing with anxiety. "I can handle this" she whispered, and opened the door.

"Nick?...what are you doing here? She asked.

"What did you expect?...I mean, seriously...we have incredible moments together and then you try to run off after telling me that you're not on any birth control. Stuff happened...we DID stuff" he exclaimed.

"What do you..." and she was cut off by his direct question of, "Can I come in?"

Olivia stepped to the side and held the door tightly, "Ok, sure"

"Thank you" he said as he strolled inside and made his way to her leather couch. He almost sat down before she yelled, "Nick, your shorts are still wet from the pool. Do not sit on my leather couch!"

"Fine! Well what in the hell do you propose I do then? I need to talk to you and I'm not going to stand her like an idiot the entire time."

"Calm down and give me ...I'll be right back" she said as she went into her bedroom. A few moments later she had returned with a man's black robe. "Here, go put this on" she said while handing it to him.

"Is this Brian's?" he asked in disgust. "Because I'd rather stand here, butt ass naked, before wearing anything of that pansy-assed Pony Boy's!"

"Damn it Nick, don't start that again. I'm seriously NOT in the mood. Besides, it was a gift for him that...let's just say, he never recieved."

Nick cleared his throat and gave a quick, "Good" and started into the bathroom to change.

"Are you hungry?" she yelled from the kitchen.

"Yeah, I could eat!"

Liv went through her kitchen like a whirlwind looking for something to cook. Cabinets slamming, pots knocked over...she moved so quickly she bumped her glass onto the floor and it shattered. Nick came flying out of the bathroom. "What was that? Are you ok?

"Yes, I'm fine. I just wasn't paying attention and knocked the glass over."

"You're 2 for 2 today!"

"Come again?"

"That's what she said!" and he laughed.

"I didn't realize you're a comedian...Funny!" she said with an attitude.

"Okay...bad joke, me bad! I'm sorry. Just meant that you broke glass twice today. Once being earlier at the station."

"Can we not go back to that?" she asked while sweeping up the glass.

"Yeah...I didn't think tha..."

"That's just it, Nick. You don't think. ..you just DO!" and she slammed the broom into the wall.

"Hey, easy now...where is this coming from? We need to talk." and he went over behind her and put his arms on her shoulders. He began to massage them and she swiftly brushed him away.

"What. ..Liv?"

"Just go sit down at the counter while I cook us something. I'm starving and need to eat"

"Okay!" and he went to sit down. He looked back at the bag on the table. "Whats that?"

"THAT is none of your concern. That is what THAT is!" she harshly expressed as she began cracking eggs into a bowl.

Nick threw his hands up, "Point taken!"

Olivia put some bread in the toaster, bacon in the microwave and poured the mixed milk and egg mixture into the skillet. She added a dash of salt and pepper and began slicing tomatoes.

"What're you making?" he asked.

"Does it matter? You'll get to eat!"

"I don't know what's going on but your attitude is getting on my last fucking nerve!" and he jumped up and started towards the bathroom.

"Nick, wait... I'm sorry! It's been a very trying day. Come, sit back down. This is almost ready"

He walked back towards the kitchen and sat up at the counter. He began to stare hard at her while she had her back to him. She was making bacon and egg sandwiches. Her hair had air dried after being wet from the pool. It dried in thick wavy locks. Even without makeup, she was still the most strikingly gorgeous woman he had ever seen. His feelings towards her were real and ran so deep that it drove him over the edge. She was clueless that he was breaking out in a hot sweat over her. He looked away from her trying to avoid any sudden impulses. It felt like she was taking forever to make their food. He glanced back at her. Outlining her body with his eyes. His hands began to shake. Before she knew it, he was right up against her back. His hands against her abdomen and his mouth on her neck. "NICK!?" she yelled in surprise. His breath against her skin made her knees weak. She wanted to fight it. "Come on, Liv" he begged, "Please?" as he brushed her hair back and began to gently suck along her collarbone. She dropped her head back against him, her eyes closed tight. She let go of the plate and pulled her right arm above her head to hold onto his as she pulled him in for a kiss. While devouring her mouth with his, Nick began unbuttoning her pants. She was so focused on his kiss, she was unaware that he had her zipper down. As Liv pulled her mouth away to tease his lips with her tongue, Nick felt compelled to do a little teasing of his own and slid his hand into her laced panties, cupping her. His touch, along with his cold hand, pushed her over the edge. She was weak kneed and wet. "Get it together, Liv" she thought to herself.

"You feel so warm, baby" he growled into her ear. She felt herself begin to unravel.

"NO!" she yelled while removing his hand from her body.

"What is the problem? We were together more than once, not even two hours ago. Suddenly you don't want me? I call bullshit...BULL-FUCKIN-SHIT, OLIVIA!"

She slammed both hands down on the counter top, "Don't give me your damn attitude! It's the LAST thing I need right now. Where have you been today? Did you not see the hell I went tbrough this afternoon? My life has been completely turned upside down today and all you're concerned with is a piece of ass!" she yelled through the tears streaming down her face.

"A piece of ass...I...wow, just wow!" and he started towards the bathroom.

"Where are you going? She asked.

"To fucking change, what's it look like? You obviously don't want me here and quite frankly I feel like this was a mistake." he said walking away from her.

"Nick...wait!"

He threw his arm back to brush her off and continued to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. Olivia's back slid down the front of the refrigerator. She pulled her knees up against her chest, hugging them tight. "What am I doing? she whispered to herself ."I can't keep shutting people out...especially when it's someone I care deeply for...fucking why, why, why? My life is going to be so empty if I don't let anyone in." She jumped up, brushed her pants off and focused on the door. "Is he really going to leave?" she thought. Olivia walked over and knocked on the door. "Nick...Nick...open the door. We need to clear this mess up."

"There's nothing to discuss, Liv. It is what it is...we had our moment and it's gone."

Liv went to walk away but she couldn't. She knew what she had to do; what she wanted to do. She placed her palm flat against the door and closed her eye, as if she were feeling him through the wooden door. "Nick?" she whispered. She didn't get a response. Oliva then looked up at the door frame, without a second thought crossing her mind she held the doorknob tightly and slammed her bodyweight against it. The door broke away from its hinges and Nick stood there, robe on the floor, in the buff.

"Olivia! What in the hell are you doing?" he yelled.

Catching her breath, she replied "Nick, I'm sorry. Please, don't... Please don't go. I don't want to make the same mistake that I have been making continually all of these years. Time amd time again...I shut people out. I shut myself down. I keep hurting myself in the long run. Running does NOTHING!"

Nick took a few steps forward to be close to her.

"Liv" he said while putting both hands upon her shoulders, "If you are tired of running, then walk with me" and he grabbed her hands and pulled them to his chest. She could feel his heart pounding hard. It spoke to her, saying 'Don't Go" without his saying a word. Tears began to form in her eyes. She quickly turned away.

"Hey, it's just you and I here...that's it. You don't have to act tough around me. For once in your life relax and let me be the man that you need." he said in such a gentle way that it broke through her invisible wall that she has guarded herself with for years.

"Nick, you don't understand how hard this is for me. Our moments together at the gym were, lets face it...incredible, but was that weakness...was it honest...was it REAL?"

"Real?" he questioned..."I'll show you what's real" and he grabbed her face before she could ask any questions. Pulling her in for a deep kiss...her well of emotions began to overflow. He was devouring her mouth; taking her into his; leaving her without air. His hands slid down her back and over her ass. With a firm grip and swift lift, he had her up on the bathroom sink. Her hands through his hair, her eyes roaming quickly everywhere. She didn't want to blink, didn't want to miss a moment. She was making a memory. One that can survive the ends of time.

"Nick, I do need to talk to you first. It's rather important."

"We will have time later to talk, baby. Don't worry. I'm here and I'm not going amywhere. Do you understand that?

He stepped away and went over to the shower. Adjusted it to the right temperature, then walked over to her, grabbed the bottom of her shirt and pulled it over her head. He smiled, "You're beautiful"

She slid off of the sink and stood there. Anxious, yet felt uneasy and almost helpless. She had never been in the shower with a man before. Her mind was racing with thoughts of what to expect. Nick went to grab her pants but she stepped back. "You okay?" he asked.

Not wanting to let on about how nervous she truly was, she cleared her throat, shook her head and began to take off her yoga pants and panties. He led her in the shower. Something about the warmth of the water was soothing to her nerves. "Here" he said, guiding her body under the soft flow of water.

"How's the water feel, baby? Is it warm enough for you?" asked Nick.

"Mmm hmm" she noised, so nervous she couldn't form a sentence.

"Let me give you a hand, close your eyes." and he tilted her head back to lather the shampoo through it. Gently, he massaged her scalp. She felt at ease.

"Okay Liv, close your eyes tight" he said while holding her head in the stream of water. He watched the suds flow down from her head. How they slithered their way down her neck, over her breasts and down under.

Olivia tried to open her eyes... "No, keep 'em closed, baby. I got this" he spoke with great confidence.

He lathered bodywash in his hands and quickly rubbed it all over her body. His pulse was in overdrive; thumping harder with every touch. Olivia was surprised by her acceptance of something she had never experienced before. She thought she would be extremely embarrassed. But, she wasnt. She was exposed, vulnerable, yet, he made her fell free. Nick rinsed her off and she opened her eyes.

"Not so bad, huh?" he asked

She didn't want to let on that this was all uncharted waters for her.

"Yeah" she smirked "It was very relaxing, thank you."

"It ain't over yet"

Nick grabbed her left hand and brought it up to his face, kissing her palm. He began working his way up her arm, shoulder and then her neck. She rolled her eyes. "I don't know if I can do this" she cried

"You don't want to?"

"No, I mean...I don't know if I'm strong enough to hold myself up. You have me so weak at the knees..I" and he pinned her against the shower wall. She grabbed the towel rail as he went in for a kiss. Her lips did all of the talking, her body told a story and yet her mouth was silent. She bit her lip hard while squirming to keep her balance. Nick wasn't slowing down. You would've thought he hadn't eaten in days. Her body began to jerk and he knew she was close. He looked up at her and grinned. Olivia grabbed his arm and pulled him up to her. "I need to hold on to you." she exclaimed while wrapping her arms around his neck.

He couldn't help but chuckle at her.

"Olivia, you're adorable. I could just eat you up."

She looked in his eyes, "You just did!"

They both paused, glared at each other and went into hysterical laughter.

"I did, didn't I?" he said as he kissed her forehead. She could feel him rising up against her inner thigh. The throbbing between her legs became almost painful. It was more than she could take. She brushed her face against his...and begged, "Nick...please...I need it...I need you"

He braced himself against her, one leg up on the corner self. He threw her leg over top of his and pushed into her. She let out a moan and bit his shoulder. His intention was to take things slow but he couldn't resist her. His thrusts were hard and fast. She felt like she was barely holding on. She grabbed above her and held on to the shower head. He buried his face in her chest, licking the beads of water off of her breasts. Her body began tingling all over. Her moans were long and getting louder with each entrance. Her muscles tightened around him and she felt if he bottomed out again...he would push right through her. She begged for him to slow down. It was too much...she didn't know if her body could stay upright much longer. He plowed her like the city streets after a blizzard. Her body bucking against him, her climax arose to great heights. Her screams were muted by his mouth. He didn't stop his thrusts and she could feel another orgasm coming on. Her body stiffened; she clamped down on his bottom lip mid screamed and pulled so hard on the shower head that she snapped it off. Water began shooting out of the wall in every direction. Nick didn't care. His mouth bleeding, water pouring everywhere, he was determined to get his. Olivia was too weak to hold on to anything. Nick had to shift and let her wrap both legs around him.

"I'm almost there, baby" Nick grunted, "hold on... I'm coming!"

He leaned back against the wall to catch his breath. His hold on Olivia was so tight and he didn't want to put her down. He liked having her this close; how she smelled. He loved her.

He stretched his arm over to shut the water off. Looking up at the hole in the wall he couldn't help but laugh.

"Look at what you did! You're an animal, Liv."

"I couldn't help it. You had me so caught up that I lost control. I don't even remember doing it."

He opened the shower door to step out.

"Don't let go of me" Liv cried.

"It's ok, my love. I don't have to put you down."

He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her. He began to wonder if she was really ok. Her mood had suddenly changed. He wrapped the robe around his shoulders and walked across the bathroom door covering the floor.

"Where to, babe?"

"My bedroom"

And Nick carried her in, pulled the blankets back, and gently placed her in bed. He removed her towel and covered her up. "Where are you going?" she asked.

"I'm just going to hang this wet towel up. Don't worry, I'm staying with you tonight."

He left the room for just moment. Olivia looked around her room. Everything felt different and she didn't like it. She didn't like change. She started wondering if she could handle this. Did she even really know how to be in a relationship with someone? Nick returned to her bedside and removed the robe before crawling under the covers next to her. She curled up next to him and pulled his arms around her. He kissed her cheek and then her shoulder. "What's on your mind, Olivia?

"Life..."

"Ah...ya mind narrowing that down just a tad?" he chuckled.

"Just...well, today my life has really been thrown around. I mean, think about it... You wake up every day and you are the same, your job is the same, your life is the same! First, I find out that my Mother had been lying to me my entire life...MY ENTIRE LIFE! How am I supposed to wrap my head around that? It's not fair! I could've known my Father! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN HIM!" and she began to cry.

"Don't cry, honey. Things in life can be really cruel at times and we sure as hell never expect someone, that is supposed to love us, to hurt us the most."

"You don't understand though...so many times...so many lies. I can't get any of that back. And the feeling...my God, the feeling, of having to think that your Dad raped your Mom and she hates you because of it. I just...I can't...where do you begin to start? Bullshit...I'm calling bullshit!" Nick wiped her eyes with the edge of the blanket. "Shh, there..there...you'll be ok." and he kissed her face softly.

"I went to the cemetery and freaked out. I'm surprised no one saw me. It was pouring down rain and I just stood there yelling. Who does that?"

"You were upset, its normal."

"And then we end up at the gym, working out. Yeah, we got a workout...that's for certain. It wasn't what I had expected. THIS right now wasn't what I expected."

"Well is that good or bad?" he asked while turning her over to face him.

"No, its good...just...well we haven't had time to really think. What is it that we are doing? I mean...what do we expect to happen? ...or want to happen?"

"Me personally, I want to make a go of this. I'm at the light waiting for it to turn green. You control the outcome from here on out. Whatever you decide is what shall be."

"It's late, can we get some rest and talk more in the morning?"

"Yeah, absolutely! Come here." Nick said while fixing the blanket and situating himself up against her. Her head resting on his left arm and his right arm draped over her side pulling her in tight. She let out a sigh of relief. Her night was ending on a good note for a change. She knew she could rest easy because he would be with her all through the night. Olivia began to doze off during Nicks story of what made him want to become an SVU detective. "Liv?...Liv? Are you awake?" he whispered in her right ear. She was very still. He knew she had fallen asleep. "Rest easy, my love...and may you have the sweetest of dreams." and he kissed her shoulder once more. He looked at her, studying her face. She looked like Sleeping Beauty, he thought. "You make me feel alive, Liv. You made my heart beat again. Goodnight, Princess." and Nick closed his eyes, missing her smile. They both slept through the night. Something that neither one has had happen in a very long time. Olivia was first to wake up. The sun was blazing in through the window, giving the room a golden hue. She turned to Nick lying there still sound asleep. She felt like this is what she wanted to wake up to every day. Her feelings were breaking through the walls and she let herself let go. She woke him up with a deep kiss. He couldn't help but let out a moan while grinning from ear to ear.

"Good morning, Mr. Amaro" she said with a glow.

"Good morning, Ms. Benson. I trust you slept well?" questioning as he grabbed the robe.

"I did. Thank you!"

"Excuse me a moment while I use your bathroom" and he walked out of the room.

"I'm gonna get dressed while you're in there, Nick." she yelled.

Nick stood hovering over the toilet, ready to flush her mornings kiss. He put his gym shorts on and went into the living room. "Hey Liv...I think I'm gonna run over to my place and get actual clothes on. I'll pick us up some food on the way back and we can chill for the day. You said you had some things to tell me."

She came walking out of her room. "Yeah, food sounds great. I'm starving! We never did eat last night."

"I'll be back soon."

She walked him to the door and he turned back to kiss her. She didn't want him to stop but he was pulling her out into the hallway.

"See ya in a jiff, babe!" and he closed the door. She watched him leave through the peep hole until he was no longer in sight. She flipped herself around and rested up against the door. Her focus was on the crumpled brown paper bag again. She started to walk towards the table but quickly double checked the peep hole to make sure he wasn't returning for anything. Her walk towards the table was extremely slow. She pulled the chair out and sat down. Stretching her arm out, she pulled the bag in front of her. When she's nervous, she talks to herself. "What am I going to do?... What should I do?... Is this a mistake?... Would I be ok with this?... Would I not be ok with this?" Olivia sat back in the chair and opened the bag. She just sat there looking down into it as if she were waiting for someone to tell her to pick it up. Reaching in the bag, she slowly pulled out the box. "What'll I do?" she asked herself while looking down at the Plan B One-Step box.


End file.
